I been on some type of spiritual path for a very long time.
However, after going all in for many years as a seeker, leaving ‘normal life’ behind, living with gurus in asharams and so on, my journey had come to a full stop.
I had given up the search.
There was simply no way.
My dad past away during this time, ended up taking care of my mother for some time and around this time I came to drop my given spiritual name.
Life became very much about survival after that. Finding a job and a place to live etc.
I started playing allot of video Games and listened to anti gurus that say, ‘this is it and then u die’ type of thing.
About 3 months ago something changed, it came to me very clear in a vision that I needed to explore kundalini. It also became very clear that life wasn’t over after all. There was more here to explore and worth investigating.
I had already been contacted by Gyani Grace, and suddenly shaktipat did not sound so crazy anymore. When I got the chance to participate I wholeheartedly joined in and received. Two times in the flesh and one week remotely.
In my second live one I felt some energy moving in me. But did not think much of it. Still quite skeptical to the whole thing (I have a very rational half brain). Although it was also very clear that I was very fortunate to be in the presence of this being.
I tried to keep up the daily practice (sadhana) as much as I could during the remote Shaktipat week and not much happened that I could notice during this time. Just feeling calmer, more centered than usually.
Then about a week ago I sit down to meditate, then go to bed, and this is where things really took off.
I was still in a rather meditative state listening to UG Krishnamurti att the time. He was going on about how you will die but the body never dies. It becomes worm food and so on…
I started feeling some kind of shivers that made my body cringe forwards almost like unvolentary sit-ups. Then my head was going backwards.
Creating a counter movement, arching my back, making like a bridge. This kept on going for a while slowly turning in to a wavelike movement.
Then when it had stopped my legs where up, and my knees started swaying very rythmically from left to right. Kind of creating a wave of energy coming out of my head, The clock work rhythm of It really surprised me.
It was so evident ‘I’ wasn’t doing this.
I sat up in lotus and a long series of beautiful asanas started unfolding.
There was this circular symetrical movement of the hands. Going from huge circles in to finer and finer ones, ending with the upper body stretching out and touching the edge of the bed. This went on for quite some time.
Having a yoga teacher background I was blown away by the quality of these movements and pranayamas (breathing techniques), stuff I have never seen before. Beautifully articulated. At some point I was feeling I had to memorize these so I could share them.
Then there was wave movements in the back, from side to side. Starting in the torso area and moving in fluid spiral, all the way to the fingertips. It felt like my whole spine was being realigned.
After that the head started making circles, that refined becoming smaller and smaller.
There was this cracking in neck and head. And it felt like the kundalini was chewing it’s way through the spine and then my head. Making way.
Some of the pranayama’s really blew me away. One deep inhale with the tongue. Then back to the nose breathing. Two rythmic breaths in, two out, faster and faster sort of creating this spiral energy movements and ending in a long deep breath and complete silence. I never really cared too much for breath work. Always struggled with it, and here this breathing techniques happening ‘all by themselves’ where me witnessing breathing perfection.
Some of the asanas felt like they where crossing the left brain with the right brain. Left arm going to the right side, and right arm going to the left side of the body, and again ending in smaller movements in a refined outstretched spiral making a one pointed focus of energy in the center.
After that there where more circular movements. No longer symmetrical though.
One arm making circular movements that ended in the sexual center. And then reversing the spiral in to the opposite direction and going out in to big circles again.
Then there was more symmetry, now my hands where massaging the body. The belly, the heart chakra and so on. Going over the face, really getting in there and rubbing it.
At some point it feelt like it was not even me anymore. Like this slender, squinty eyed being has taken over completely.
This ‘yoga session’ went on for hours and hours.
There were all kinds of symbolism going on.
At some point my hands where touching the sides of my upper back. And I felt like there could be wings there. Maybe there had been at some point? And another time my hands where massaging my forehead. And I felt like there could grow horns there.
For a second It almost felt like I was… I had a vision of Ida and Pingala making their way.
In retrospect I feel like there where allot of archetypical nonsense here, simply being flushed out.
Images and archetypes that belong to the collective human condition. That somehow perhaps where not relevant anymore.
It also came to me that this was grace moving. Cleaning out the vessel.
It also became clear that my addiction to video-games after giving up my Guru and after my father’s death. Was somehow ‘Me’ realizing there was nothing in this for ‘Me’. It was giving up. No way out.
Nothing to gain.
Nothing but death awaits for the small self.
The next day during meditation, the Kriyas came rapidly.
Some movements where similar to those of the night before, and others where new.
I had to put out my yoga mat and get off my pillow.
Some became very intensive. First my head moved from left to right. Slowly intensifying and ending in the center sort of one pointedly in the pineal gland.
Then there where different types of focus here I could put all my attention somewhere above the pineal gland, or I could lower my cheek and center my attention in the upper top of the head. I felt like this type off attention was connected to the highest chakra, although not sure about that.
Then there was the relaxing of the sexual area between the sexual organs and I felt I could relax that further by swaying my lotus position from left to right.
I had a vision of a reversed heart that was moving all the energy upwards.
There was this words that came, that the whole attention was being ‘ionized’ up in to a single point.
At some point I was doing these ‘breast stroke’ type of movement, like I was swimming in to the light, with a strong clap infront of every chakra. Like the clap was recharging them.
After that my palms opened up and there was this Silverlight pouring down on me. It felt graceful and I found my self bowing in to the floor, crying a deep cry. No sadness, simply feeling gratitude.
I lay down on my back rested for a bit and then my head started moving rythmically. Left to right. Eventually it was swaying so rapidly I was sort of resisting it. Kind of in fear my neighbors would see me from the window and think I was having a seizure.
This was one of the strongest of these Kriyas. The movement made the whole body feel like a rubber band. Like a stretched out line expanded through the universe.
That ended the seccond session.
Finally a few days ago I had another one.
I went to bed and woke up during the night.
Again I ended up sitting up, making circular movements of the head.
It felt like the energy (in the form of a snake) was ‘chewing’ it’s way through the head again. This was by no means painful. You want it to happen and you help it by letting go. By not interfering.
Many times I could feel the rational mind getting in the way of the process, and all u can do is to surrender it as much as u can.
Get urself out of the way.
Eventually it felt like the kundalini came out of the forehead like u see on the Egyptian statues. And then from there it moved to the heart and back to the sexual organs.
At this point I had a vision of like I had pooped out the worm, or like it had shedded skin. Then my spine column was filled with this pranic blue light. Like a flurucent swimming pool color.
I felt that the Goddess was now residing in my heart. And that she is the same goddess in every heart. You are that Goddess.
The twisted spiral energy that had been creating pain in the heart center was now being untwisted and the heart chakra was radiating freely.
Then there was this vision of the body belonging to the earth, and that earth is like a spaceship moving through space.
But in reality, none of it exists.
At some point I could see how everything was taking form out of nothing. Like a zigzagging spiral vortex, forming the world out of nothing, much like a Kaleidoscope or something.
And how ‘what you resist persists’.
That is to say, if you truly ‘let yourself go’, then there is nothing there.
The fear of death is what’s keeping us alive.
You, the world, etc,
It’s only in your mind.
After that experience had subsided.
Everything was pretty much back to ‘normal’.
Back in La-la land.
Thank you for taking the time.